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TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1455
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>jonathan7777</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 10:03pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 8:08am<b>Jeromiah</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 11:29pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 7:33am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:08pm<b>Nadron</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 8:40pm<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:18pm<b>ectstrigger</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 12:50pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 8:56pm<b>abNormal62</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:30am<b>EmmaRey</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:00am<b>J352SAURUS</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:53pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 4:06pm<b>badluckalex</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 2:00pm<b>amandalynn84</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>senpai_kush</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 3:25pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 10:45pm<b>Tarlachia</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 2:41pm

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Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

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TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48790) - you deserved it (4569)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44879) - you deserved it (4536)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55558) - you deserved it (18295)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44354) - you deserved it (3598)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

#21053684
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44163) - you deserved it (3834)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41342) - you deserved it (5431)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49242) - you deserved it (6484)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40633) - you deserved it (6740)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46145) - you deserved it (4883)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62743) - you deserved it (8173)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42146) - you deserved it (15760)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33404) - you deserved it (3630)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)



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