Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheCutestLizard

Offline (the 02/02/2016 at 1:56am) | Search for a member

TheCutestLizard

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1967
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>MostafaH</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 7:25am<b>Syruphs</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 7:08pm<b>MyrmidonQueenn01</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 2:42pm<b>zainman13</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 12:18am<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:06am<b>mbdresnick</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 3:11am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:33am<b>guttedbrit</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 6:06pm<b>colder13</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm<b>RedRiolu</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:56pm<b>Jowisee</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:04pm<b>nickie_94</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 3:51pm<b>pasupathymuthu</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 2:42pm<b>snowkittyyy</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 9:34am<b>lainlain</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:52am<b>Princess_Eevee9</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 10:46pm

Fucked!<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 3:06pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 1:01pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:10am

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of TheCutestLizard's badges

TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43614) - you deserved it (4917)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37866) - you deserved it (4208)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43372) - you deserved it (3124)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42651) - you deserved it (3077)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53346) - you deserved it (5130)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46429) - you deserved it (4682)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56751) - you deserved it (18766)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45679) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

#21053684
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47260) - you deserved it (4071)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42594) - you deserved it (5577)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54100) - you deserved it (7038)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43565) - you deserved it (7145)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48835) - you deserved it (5175)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: