TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2205
  • Number of comments : 95
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>nevaryzarc</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 5:33am<b>Elban</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 5:50pm<b>tepovre</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 12:52am<b>MostafaH</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 7:25am<b>Syruphs</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 7:08pm<b>MyrmidonQueenn01</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 2:42pm<b>zainman13</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 12:18am<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:06am<b>mbdresnick</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 3:11am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:33am<b>guttedbrit</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 6:06pm<b>colder13</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm<b>RedRiolu</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:56pm<b>Jowisee</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:04pm<b>nickie_94</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 3:51pm<b>pasupathymuthu</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 2:42pm

Fucked!<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 3:06pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 1:01pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:10am

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of TheCutestLizard's badges

TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 10:39am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

by imgonnadie / 09/07/2014 at 11:11am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

by Beeky / 08/22/2014 at 9:14am / United States (Montana) / Work

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

by pocketrocket90 / 08/08/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

by Yeppets / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / United States / Love

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

by shite / 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals