About TheCutestLizard : 33. I think I'm pretty great.
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TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs
by ironfey / 03/20/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML
by ZG_Rules / 03/20/2015 at 10:38am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Work
Today, I baked a cake for when my mum came home. I did everything I needed to do and put it in the oven, set the timer and went to do some things around the house. When my mum came home, she asked why there was a uncooked cake mix sitting in the oven. I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
by non-baker / 03/17/2015 at 10:12pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by NoHamForMeThanks / 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML
by jessybear777 / 02/14/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML
by StrawHatBill / 02/13/2015 at 9:54am / United States / Love
Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML
by danielzcwu / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
by anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love
by justjoking / 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML
by thechaos / 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
by unlovedandunfucked / 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
by Anonymos_fmler / 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
by Bartender / 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by clairebear104 / 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love