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TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 989
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>ShitHappen</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 10:08am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 8:34am<b>DaggNabbit</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 7:59am<b>XXFMLXXQUEENXX</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 11:17am<b>Inediblepeaches</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 9:05pm<b>kinzopinzi</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 4:37pm<b>Striker_Jr</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 10:23pm<b>jimmer23</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>anormalperson</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 10:43am<b>giantsfan2010</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:35pm<b>klenorris</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:23pm<b>beezybaby4714</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 10:40pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:52am<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 10:04pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 10:51am<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 1:50am<b>kitten1800</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 12:50pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:37pm

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TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39877) - you deserved it (5259)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48967) - you deserved it (6450)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40444) - you deserved it (6720)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45927) - you deserved it (4866)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60069) - you deserved it (7822)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82043) - you deserved it (25234)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

#20089229
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19051) - you deserved it (2384)

On 09/26/2012 at 5:06am - love - by Popscene (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34561) - you deserved it (3744)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25276) - you deserved it (7726)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

#18904758
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (5921)

On 01/25/2012 at 1:32am - health - by ???? - United States

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

#18387801
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18677) - you deserved it (2343)

On 11/29/2011 at 8:53pm - misc - by Geraldine - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

#18242868
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31785) - you deserved it (4244)

On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

#17803307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26786) - you deserved it (2331)

On 09/22/2011 at 8:06am - work - by Soopa-Genius (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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