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TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1424
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 8:08am<b>Jeromiah</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 11:29pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 7:33am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:08pm<b>Nadron</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 8:40pm<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:18pm<b>ectstrigger</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 12:50pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 8:56pm<b>abNormal62</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:30am<b>EmmaRey</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:00am<b>J352SAURUS</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:53pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 4:06pm<b>badluckalex</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 2:00pm<b>amandalynn84</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>senpai_kush</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 3:25pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 10:45pm<b>Tarlachia</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 2:41pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 8:51pm

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of TheCutestLizard's badges

TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

#21356336
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36787) - you deserved it (5103)

On 02/14/2015 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by jessybear777 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

#21355268
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27981) - you deserved it (7154)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:54am - love - by StrawHatBill (man) - United States

Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

#21323487
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (3628)

On 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31823) - you deserved it (2849)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (6747)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33295) - you deserved it (3896)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37638) - you deserved it (4022)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31089) - you deserved it (4930)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32535) - you deserved it (2394)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40654) - you deserved it (3535)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (4428)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35611) - you deserved it (3955)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40306) - you deserved it (2746)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40721) - you deserved it (2924)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand



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