TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

12Fucked!

TheCutestLizardTheCutestLizard
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2581
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About TheCutestLizard : 33. I think I'm pretty great.

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/23/2016 at 1:53pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 09/23/2016 at 4:31am<b>sukkaass</b> - the 09/12/2016 at 9:03am<b>helpful_at1am</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 6:52am<b>seeoseek</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 10:17pm<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 2:37pm<b>torrea</b> - the 08/29/2016 at 7:37pm<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 4:56pm<b>kintoki25</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 8:57am<b>DeadIllusion</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 2:16pm<b>Oliveisthenewora</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 3:45am<b>hobojoe154</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 7:27pm<b>MegasaurusRex89</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 2:12pm<b>Diamond_don</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 12:25am<b>hoponpip</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 11:41am<b>wissx</b> - the 08/04/2016 at 11:48pm<b>Calarel_bones</b> - the 08/03/2016 at 9:50am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 10:05am

Fucked!<b>sukkaass</b> - the 09/12/2016 at 2:44pm<b>torrea</b> - the 08/30/2016 at 1:37am<b>hobojoe154</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 4:26am<b>Supermanjh93</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 8:54pm<b>seeoseek</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 9:37am<b>Toonice45</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 7:43pm<b>samwilliams800</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 3:11pm<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 3:06pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 1:01pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:10am

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of TheCutestLizard's badges

TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

by Why Me / 08/12/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

by lulumars / 06/14/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

by Milo / 06/02/2015 at 12:50pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

by NevertheKool / 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

by GotGasNotLuck / 05/05/2015 at 6:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

by Malíya / 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

by Pandistoteles / 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm / United States / Kids

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 9:20am / United States (California) / Work