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TheCutestLizard

Offline (the 02/02/2016 at 1:56am) | Search for a member

TheCutestLizard

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1944
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>MostafaH</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 7:25am<b>Syruphs</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 7:08pm<b>MyrmidonQueenn01</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 2:42pm<b>zainman13</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 12:18am<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:06am<b>mbdresnick</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 3:11am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:33am<b>guttedbrit</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 6:06pm<b>colder13</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm<b>Stefan5678</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:43pm<b>RedRiolu</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:56pm<b>Jowisee</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:04pm<b>nickie_94</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 3:51pm<b>pasupathymuthu</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 2:42pm<b>snowkittyyy</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 9:34am<b>lainlain</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:52am

Fucked!<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 3:06pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 1:01pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:10am

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of TheCutestLizard's badges

TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

#21516882
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19228) - you deserved it (2151)

On 01/19/2016 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

#21515102
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27295) - you deserved it (12951)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

#21470966
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (2981)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28674) - you deserved it (2683)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

#21427999
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (3332)

On 06/18/2015 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

#21425930
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26126) - you deserved it (2462)

On 06/14/2015 at 1:06pm - misc - by lulumars (woman) - United States

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

#21420039
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30747) - you deserved it (4373)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

#21419681
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29504) - you deserved it (3115)

On 06/02/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Milo (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

#21419654
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25683) - you deserved it (5212)

On 06/02/2015 at 11:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

#21406331
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17874) - you deserved it (26402)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm - money - by NevertheKool (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

#21404993
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (2087)

On 05/05/2015 at 6:50am - work - by GotGasNotLuck (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

#21404625
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27597) - you deserved it (2133)

On 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm - misc - by Malíya - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

#21393641
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30683) - you deserved it (2564)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm - kids - by Pandistoteles - United States

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

#21381783
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40302) - you deserved it (3465)

On 03/26/2015 at 9:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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