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TheCutestLizard

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TheCutestLizard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 798
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCutestLizard : null

TheCutestLizard's page activity

Visits<b>itswhitneybitch</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:11am<b>PoisonOrchid</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:06am<b>Drizl</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 5:31pm<b>Benjaminkamp</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:08pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 8:45pm<b>PresidentNorth</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:18am<b>briang959</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:13am<b>TheNiceOne</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:02am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:39pm<b>PapaSmash</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 7:33pm<b>WiseGuy79</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 6:58pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 2:24pm<b>z0mBi3kiTTy</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 11:49am<b>ihelent</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 12:27am<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 6:33pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 4:36pm<b>LeoChen</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 6:52am<b>rosco98</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 6:00pm

TheCutestLizard's FML badges

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TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27906) - you deserved it (2290)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38625) - you deserved it (4306)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34318) - you deserved it (3645)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40041) - you deserved it (2731)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45566) - you deserved it (3996)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43066) - you deserved it (4176)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52038) - you deserved it (16835)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42508) - you deserved it (3451)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

#21053684
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43895) - you deserved it (3820)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39433) - you deserved it (5211)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48753) - you deserved it (6439)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40366) - you deserved it (6709)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45078) - you deserved it (4772)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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