Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 March 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4179
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheCitizens96 : Me? I'd say I'm pretty chill and easy-going, but I also appreciate people who use correct spelling/grammar. :) Trilingual college student studying to be an Accountant. 👌

.... Zombies. Horror movies. Football (Manchester City). Black Ops. Hot guys..... Enough Said.

I enjoy being outdoors and doing things like fishing, hiking, and canoeing. I love to work out, and I greatly enjoy watching Sylvester Stallone films.

I do have an Instagram, and I probably won't bite... So, don't be afraid to ask.

TheCitizens96's page activity

Visits<b>Yazoo77</b> - 7 hours ago<b>lil_jimmy</b> - 8 hours ago<b>michaelm1290</b> - yesterday at 8:08am<b>aussiecyclist</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 5:51am<b>PHILLIESFAN77</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 8:26pm<b>Mons</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 10:22am<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 4:21pm<b>balboa_2</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:20am<b>python199</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:13am<b>devildog562</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 12:13am<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 11:48pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 11:24am<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 9:16am<b>kaitio331</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 9:17pm<b>nunes36</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 5:38am<b>dewberry2001</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 10:20am<b>MrsJellyBean</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 1:09am<b>giantsfan2010</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 11:44pm

Fucked!<b>aussiecyclist</b> - yesterday at 11:51am<b>kaitio331</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 3:17am<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 4:49pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 8:35pm<b>Ed1998</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:42pm<b>jjmack34</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 3:49am<b>zjay</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:10pm<b>moron011</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 1:22pm<b>nunes36</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 12:03pm<b>pataplop</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 4:49pm<b>NH_Freelancer</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 5:18am<b>kitkat818</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 7:53pm<b>Lars93</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 4:17pm<b>ElricMustang</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 3:43pm<b>_Peppermint_</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 9:49am<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:18am<b>PITSB</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 5:39am<b>Drag0nb0rn</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 12:37pm

TheCitizens96's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of TheCitizens96's badges

TheCitizens96's favorite FMLs

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27060) - you deserved it (2047)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31308) - you deserved it (2151)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (1766)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28556) - you deserved it (1740)

On 06/11/2015 at 9:44am - work - by McFuckYouTooCunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25651) - you deserved it (9813)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (4566)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML


I agree, your life sucks (156) - you deserved it (35)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16063) - you deserved it (29462)

On 02/03/2015 at 2:50am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26390) - you deserved it (1926)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27492) - you deserved it (2207)

On 01/02/2015 at 7:11pm - animals - by cat co-parent - Australia

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30444) - you deserved it (2367)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35852) - you deserved it (3139)

On 12/23/2014 at 10:24am - love - by got any coupons? - United States

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34815) - you deserved it (4328)

On 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm - love - by I warned him - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28085) - you deserved it (2413)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: