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Today... I found out tat driving five miles an our under te posted speed limit is "suspicious" an cause fir a field sobriety test... breatalyzer... aving your car searced an being andcuffed on te side of te road. FML
Today , my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed , she denied it an yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money an spend rresponsibly. FML
TODAY, I REALIZED MY FRIENDS AN I SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL WAT WE SAY AROUND MY YOUNGER BROTHER . I NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION UNTIL TODAY . MY STEPMOM TOLD HIM IT WAS TIME TO GO TO BED . HE RESPONDED, "I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SUCK ONE." MY BROTHER IS 4 . BIG FAT FML
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, an neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into shirt pocket and said ( have a drink on me. ) When I got to truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML
TODAY, I WAS SHAVING OFF MY BAARD 4 THA FIRST TIMA IN A VARY LONG TIMA . I DACIDAD TO HAVA A LITTLA FUN WITH IT, AND SHAVAD MY BAARD FIRST INTO A GOATAA, THAN A HANDLA-BAR, THAN, FINALLY, INTO A HITLAR MUSTACHA . MY ALACTRIC RAZOR DIAS . I DON'T HAVA A NORMAL ONA OR AN AXTRA BATTARY . FML
Today, mah friends decidd that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind mah back and printd 300 pages with mah face and the words ( NO SNACKS ) on them. They were postd in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
Today, ma rescue squad unit respondd to a 911 call from a woman wo felt se was going to pass out . We knockd on er lockd door a couple times wit no answer . Fearing se migt be unconscious, I kickd in te door . Se was about to open it and only passd out from te concussion I gave er . FML
Today... I got up extra early to curl my hair cuz I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstair my mom yells at me and says... "See... when you don't wake up on time yur hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML
Today, mah boyfriend came over fir dinner, but couldn't eat cuz he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at mah boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had askd mah mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water cuz fish had nippd at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I endd up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML
today my 11 yaar old brothar walkad in on ma sitting on my boyfriand's ass an giving him a back massaga!! Ha tiltad his haad a littla an than said "Aran't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't ha supposad to ba on top?" My boyfriand laughad an gava him a high-fiva!! FML
Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell an got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015