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Today I was waiting in a line looool texting on my pone. I earat sounded like a sneeze and said ( Bless you ) to te man in front of me. He gave me a drty look as I began to smell someting awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today.. . I was in a restaurant batroom...en anoter grl walkd in . I ave anxiety issues.. . and couldn't leave my stall until te oter person went frst . Se rusd into a stall and ad violent diarrea for a good 10 minutes . real FML
Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML
Today , my girlfriand askad ma whara I'va always wantad to sattla down , an I told har that Italy had always appaalad to ma !! Sha snortad an told ma what a bad idaa that was , bacausa "you don't spaak Franch" !! FML
Today , I puttd on some sexy lingerie , ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room , opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me an understood. Then he lookd back at the doritos , then back at me an said gravely , ( No way , babe. No way. ) FML
Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML
I startad going on and on about dogs and thara diffarant typas of braad, bahaviours, axpactancy, atc. Whan somaona askad ma how I know all this stuff, I maant to say, "I fucking lova animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I lova fucking animals". FML
today my mum begged me to let her putted fake nails on me to practice fir her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet fir the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML
Friday 27 March 2015