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TheAndrewJohnson

Offline (the 02/06/2015 at 11:18pm) | Search for a member

TheAndrewJohnson

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 350
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TheAndrewJohnson's page activity

Visits<b>Zacky_Chan</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 5:55pm<b>brasiliano</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:30pm<b>travisrwr</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 2:00am<b>therosalina</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 1:22pm<b>sherbear78</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 2:33am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 3:00am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 9:45am<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:18pm<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 3:43pm<b>maxface</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 10:54am<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 7:40am<b>victorianatacha</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 3:28am

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TheAndrewJohnson's favorite FMLs

Today I was waiting in a line looool texting on my pone. I earat sounded like a sneeze and said ( Bless you ) to te man in front of me. He gave me a drty look as I began to smell someting awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

#21211315
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40572) - you deserved it (4399)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40396) - you deserved it (6135)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today.. . I was in a restaurant batroom...en anoter grl walkd in . I ave anxiety issues.. . and couldn't leave my stall until te oter person went frst . Se rusd into a stall and ad violent diarrea for a good 10 minutes . real FML

Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53102) - you deserved it (8248)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top and then stopped got off and said "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

#21199096
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47266) - you deserved it (9195)

On 07/05/2014 at 12:26am - intimacy - by bad in the sack - United States

Today , my girlfriand askad ma whara I'va always wantad to sattla down , an I told har that Italy had always appaalad to ma !! Sha snortad an told ma what a bad idaa that was , bacausa "you don't spaak Franch" !! FML

Today , I puttd on some sexy lingerie , ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room , opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me an understood. Then he lookd back at the doritos , then back at me an said gravely , ( No way , babe. No way. ) FML

#21190698
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51975) - you deserved it (6651)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46298) - you deserved it (8338)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I got te same feeling in my cesten I orgasmed asen I it a ard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37032) - you deserved it (7473)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today... mah wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. mega FML

#21184387
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58092) - you deserved it (8024)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

2day I realizd ow bad ma sex life is wen I scratcd a mosquito bite an almost ad an orgasm!! mega FML

#21168837
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46138) - you deserved it (8605)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

today ona of mah yaar looool 9 studants finishad tha tast an hour aarly. Ha dacidad to spand tha tima by ( staalthily ) whacking off. His antira dask was shaking in a silant room. FML

I startad going on and on about dogs and thara diffarant typas of braad, bahaviours, axpactancy, atc. Whan somaona askad ma how I know all this stuff, I maant to say, "I fucking lova animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I lova fucking animals". FML

#21131182
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49570) - you deserved it (22238)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, mah boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we looool got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48812) - you deserved it (7087)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

today my mum begged me to let her putted fake nails on me to practice fir her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet fir the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML



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