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ThatOneTimeLord's favorite FMLs
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 2:59am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 1:38am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
by Justawoman / 06/04/2014 at 11:52am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy
by joecool3426 / 10/03/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Money
by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Love
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML
by CamoElla / 02/19/2012 at 12:49am / United States / Kids
by lucas / 12/12/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 4:35pm / United States / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him… Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked… Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a…