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I read FML on my phone, so there's a good chance I'm either slacking off at work or sitting on the toilet. Maybe doing both at the same time!
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Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22840) - you deserved it (3279)
On 01/24/2011 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32935) - you deserved it (21132) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51136) - you deserved it (9746)
On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17369) - you deserved it (8354)
On 08/05/2010 at 1:00pm - love - by Luke - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8513) - you deserved it (24443)
On 01/30/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Wowsers. (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (2493)
On 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by dire-rear (woman) - Singapore
Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18976) - you deserved it (6247)
On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60717) - you deserved it (8174)
On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49133) - you deserved it (6973)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88872) - you deserved it (14336)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276933) - you deserved it (23330)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (527693) - you deserved it (320116)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71084) - you deserved it (10854)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12758) - you deserved it (43099)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by AppoKing (man) - United States (Virginia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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