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ThE_dArK_sHiTtEr's FML badges
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ThE_dArK_sHiTtEr's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
by Mr.P / 10/21/2011 at 11:35am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML
by Customer Stonage Representative / 10/21/2011 at 8:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by lolilovemyboyfriend / 10/19/2011 at 10:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Tony / 10/18/2011 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML
by BackAndForth / 10/18/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
by pupitre / 10/17/2011 at 8:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by STIdiot / 10/17/2011 at 8:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML
by pokeballbra / 10/17/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by kp / 10/16/2011 at 8:47pm / Australia / Health
Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML
by Carl / 10/16/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML
by DaddysGirl / 10/16/2011 at 6:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…