Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Tess

Search for a member

Tess

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13577
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Tess : nerd, gamer, future filmmaker.

Tess's page activity

Visits<b>JimMorrisonROX</b> - yesterday at 11:16pm<b>dabears1011234</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:30am<b>Wrex</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 11:10am<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 7:09pm<b>hailey2649</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 1:48am<b>Gift_of_humor</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 7:59am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 12:41pm<b>LittlestPrincess</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 3:28am<b>Jenra</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 12:54pm<b>1pirelli1</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 12:37am<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 8:54pm<b>ariastyles12</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 9:10am<b>lauren20654</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 7:04pm<b>hahatofunny</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 11:10pm<b>Aksta</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 8:50pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 11/23/2013 at 6:39am<b>brittanyrose329</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 9:53pm<b>bmba94</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 10:09pm

Tess's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of Tess's badges

Tess's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

#18897176
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (2531)

On 01/24/2012 at 6:47am - misc - by SpongeAbii2 - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

#18886717
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9237) - you deserved it (30562)

On 01/23/2012 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

#18860865
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35694) - you deserved it (10131)

On 01/20/2012 at 10:15am - misc - by LonerCow (woman) - United States

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

#18832495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (3188)

On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

#18791715
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12594) - you deserved it (46164)

On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

#18774764
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11871) - you deserved it (29778)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Dockin (man) - India

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

#18750277
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10531) - you deserved it (31593)

On 01/08/2012 at 8:51pm - love - by Tiana - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

#18624537
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23654) - you deserved it (2672)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29464) - you deserved it (5583)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11868) - you deserved it (56181)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

#18273262
599 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43140) - you deserved it (11343)

On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38809) - you deserved it (5257)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

#18120358
591 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58560) - you deserved it (4668)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:38am - intimacy - by ohdear (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

#18057227
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28429) - you deserved it (2439)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by charlotte9338 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50671) - you deserved it (6077)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: