About Termites : I'm better then you.
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Termites's favorite FMLs
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
by Alone / 12/28/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Love
Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML
by ohman / 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by gaggin / 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by Chanman1924 / 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by selfishsexysanta / 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Kasey Eames / 12/23/2012 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 12/22/2012 at 7:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy
by alicia / 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm / Spain (Canarias) / Animals
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…