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Why am I up so early?
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TayonaC's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:54am / France / Love
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
by AnnoyedByFriends / 08/08/2013 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm / Egypt / Intimacy
Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2013 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by noiguessitsbroken :( / 08/07/2013 at 8:24am / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
by (._. ) / 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
by benjo / 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
by stillembarrassed / 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
by x_o / 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm / Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron) / Work
by Anon / 08/04/2013 at 1:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my… Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor… Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one…