About TaylorTotsYumm : Things I love:
•Seattle
•soccer
•popsicles
•indie rock, classic rock, grunge, alt., jazz, blues
•Amy Winehouse
•Harry Potter
•oceans
•Febreze
•Anne Hathaway
•Liverpool fc
•'90s cartoons
•All That
•singing
•Grey's Anatomy
•environmental consciousness
•dykes
Things I hate:
•Man. U
•autotune
•wbc
-If you have any questions for me, or just want to talk, shoot me a message. I'll answer next time I use the website rather than the app.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4262) - you deserved it (51231)
On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (9433)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11361) - you deserved it (3249)
On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24691) - you deserved it (4571)
On 12/12/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by colorfulgina (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10263) - you deserved it (25842)
On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (2940)
On 12/02/2009 at 2:14am - work - by makeitstop - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26891) - you deserved it (3067)
On 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sickkid (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9613) - you deserved it (4201)
On 11/22/2009 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by NotsexyEnough - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18391) - you deserved it (3616)
On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15632) - you deserved it (2057)
On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25623) - you deserved it (6421)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7115) - you deserved it (18211)
On 10/21/2009 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53021) - you deserved it (2692)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50935) - you deserved it (6816)
On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40105) - you deserved it (123094)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Friday 24 May 2013
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