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Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31152) - you deserved it (3351)
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31245) - you deserved it (1871)
Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25705) - you deserved it (1832)
On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30607) - you deserved it (1911)
On 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm - misc - by Sydney - United States (Texas)
Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31676) - you deserved it (1681)
On 01/11/2013 at 3:03am - health - by Kftc88 - United States (California)
Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23664) - you deserved it (4135)
On 01/10/2013 at 6:11pm - health - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (1681)
On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)
Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9456) - you deserved it (20424)
On 01/09/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by drake86 - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27341) - you deserved it (1752)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18827) - you deserved it (1232)
Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26561) - you deserved it (1397)
On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -
Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34012) - you deserved it (1327)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (2920)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33907) - you deserved it (3972)
On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33545) - you deserved it (9854)
On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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