Search for a member

Offline (2 hours ago)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 June 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2885
  • Number of comments : 203
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Talis99 : Nothing special

Talis99's page activity

Visits<b>Jiratias</b> - 24 hours ago<b>CandyDawg</b> - yesterday at 9:59pm<b>smw83</b> - yesterday at 11:16am<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 12/03/2016 at 1:35am<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 11/27/2016 at 7:02pm<b>medic428</b> - the 11/26/2016 at 7:59am<b>AnFrickenTwan</b> - the 11/26/2016 at 2:20am<b>sandman676</b> - the 11/26/2016 at 1:46am<b>mas12806</b> - the 11/23/2016 at 4:57pm<b>NellyFC35</b> - the 11/23/2016 at 8:13am<b>kujiens101</b> - the 11/23/2016 at 1:02am<b>dumbmotherinlaw</b> - the 11/23/2016 at 12:59am<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 9:42pm<b>Willman757</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 7:17pm<b>claudiajean</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 6:51pm<b>Sadat10</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 6:50pm<b>fastman19</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 3:08pm<b>SuperDani</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 2:26pm

Fucked!<b>smw83</b> - yesterday at 5:16pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - yesterday at 7:35am<b>sandman676</b> - the 11/26/2016 at 7:46am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 6:52am<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 4:55am<b>jrmertz00</b> - the 11/15/2016 at 10:53pm<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 11/15/2016 at 10:35pm<b>Corey122726</b> - the 11/11/2016 at 2:25pm<b>1_Jew</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 1:15pm<b>int15</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 6:44pm<b>pantsman66</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 2:23am<b>delichick</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 7:26pm<b>CCRider</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 2:14am<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 9:49pm<b>OlRed</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 4:43am<b>interesting33</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 10:39am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 9:17pm<b>nockels</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 5:49am

Talis99's FML badges


You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of Talis99's badges

Talis99's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

by 13a5ic H1p5t3r / 08/14/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

by bwoolf96 / 09/10/2015 at 8:32am / Health

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

by Julianapilikusplatosophophes / 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm / United States / Work

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

by anon / 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

by bootyislife / 02/02/2015 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love