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TacoApple99's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
TacoApple99's favorite FMLs
Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML
by sad / 06/17/2016 at 6:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
by pubemilkshake / 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 8:15pm / India (Gujarat) / Miscellaneous
by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by unholy shit / 01/23/2012 at 5:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML
by evil / 01/27/2010 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rejected for an internship due to 'lack of experience.' I have both an MA and a BA from a highly prestigious school and years of work experience. My would-be superior: a 24 year old without a graduate degree and only one year of work experience. She wore jeans to the interview. FML
by screwed / 01/04/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 10:09am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
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