Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TXFernwoods

Online | Search for a member

TXFernwoods

0Liked!

TXFernwoodsTXFernwoods
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4558
  • Number of comments : 132
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About TXFernwoods : oreoporn.tumblr.com

You are all cunts.

I like to stand around, people watch, and shoot pornography! I'm single.

TXFernwoods's page activity

Visits<b>Tobamf</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:59pm<b>wookieewhosshe</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:10pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:21am<b>shutupallison</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 11:51pm<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 8:12pm<b>SRWilson123</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 1:35pm<b>JuggaloSimms1441</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 8:45am<b>BigDave469</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:01pm<b>jjones0818</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 4:33pm<b>feven</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 8:44am<b>WildDeerbra</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 6:01am<b>carrieislost</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 8:27pm<b>tmd4L</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 8:14pm<b>Thinkitthrough</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 6:39pm<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 6:09pm<b>katherhinooo</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 2:34pm<b>mrandrsn</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:59am<b>jlnotary</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 11:58am

TXFernwoods's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of TXFernwoods's badges

TXFernwoods's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26290) - you deserved it (4259)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

#21266131
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32055) - you deserved it (2929)

On 09/27/2014 at 12:22am - work - by heretoserve (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37281) - you deserved it (4588)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36087) - you deserved it (5412)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35462) - you deserved it (9244)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47623) - you deserved it (4424)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

#21259449
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35719) - you deserved it (4214)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38216) - you deserved it (2505)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42535) - you deserved it (5476)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (2555)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
150 comments

Today, my sister told me the reason why she went with me to a gay pride parade a few months ago was because she thought it would inspire me to come out. FML

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36559) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36287) - you deserved it (2689)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: