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TRENZ's favorite FMLs
Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML
by sad but true. / 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by gerontofuck / 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML
by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
by cricha4208 / 04/15/2014 at 10:01am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML
by idontknowwhatiamdoing / 04/15/2014 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML
by heycutie / 04/15/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
by stupidcunt / 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML
by all by myself / 04/14/2014 at 7:34pm / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous
by heartmytrucker / 04/14/2014 at 5:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by nemesandr26 / 04/14/2014 at 2:54pm / Romania (Timis) / Transportation
by tinytiny1124 / 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 6:12am / Malta / Miscellaneous
- Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've… Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One… Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was…