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TOPsCinderella's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML
by Anonymous / 08/22/2016 at 7:49am / Australia / Work
by sorkin15 / 03/24/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by aj513 / 11/28/2015 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML
by soulaar / 10/02/2015 at 10:22am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous
Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML
by EverettA / 09/11/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 5:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Oihana / 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML
by bekkylove22 / 05/27/2015 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by -_- / 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by LameChef / 03/10/2015 at 2:43pm / Poland / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts… Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we… Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file…