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About TKello : I'm a college student spending way too much time on this site.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Perfectionist
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9381) - you deserved it (1487)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6825) - you deserved it (893)
On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you deserved it (2253) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20243) - you deserved it (2589)
On 01/13/2012 at 5:47am - intimacy - by doctorsandnurses (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (4925)
On 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates
Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12056) - you deserved it (2232)
On 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by blegh (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20578) - you deserved it (2266)
On 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm - misc - by ThinZ (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22493) - you deserved it (5626)
On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa
Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5156) - you deserved it (12606)
On 12/18/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by grounded - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (3738)
On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25333) - you deserved it (3821)
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12838) - you deserved it (1314)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7871) - you deserved it (60986)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9585) - you deserved it (28319)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye, and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35947) - you deserved it (2966)
On 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by haunted (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
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