Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About THEnotSOBRIGHT : I can relate to damn near anything, and am grounded for eternity. I absolutely love music( most genres). I love Pierce the Veil, Bring Me the Horizon, Sleeping With Sirens, Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows(DRUGS), Dragonforce, Alesana, A Day To Remember, Linkin Park, Brain Drill, Crimson Armada, Suicide Silence, AttackAttack, Flyleaf, Blood on the Dance Floor, Relient-K, MCR, 30- Seconds To Mars, Korn, and a shit ton of others. I also like anime/ manga, and I love video games, but I'm not a geek, I just know a lot about them. Ok, ready for the weird thing about me, I love to watch people draw, it's just fascinating. What else... Oh and I love my three dogs, their breed is English Mastiffs. I also have a pet tortoise named Heracles. And a fish named Humphrey. I love things that are either sharp or go boom, and I love to talk to people, message me if you want to talk, I will probably get back to you within 2 days :)
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML
Monday 1 September 2014