THE_Black_Jesus

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THE_Black_Jesus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 September 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 969
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About THE_Black_Jesus : Dance party:
~(','~) (~',')~ \('-'\) (/'-')/ \('-'\)
(/'-')/ €('-')3 \('-')/

•Kik Me: danieloneal95
•Pheed: @DanielOneal
•SnapChat: jknoracial
•So I'm Daniel. I'm 18 and a Senior in high school. I'm an all a round athlete but mainly Wrestling and Baseball.
•Message me and I'll reply. I try to get on here everyday and don't have a Facebook because I don't.

THE_Black_Jesus's page activity

Visits<b>carleybeak</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 4:01pm<b>codyflanders2008</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 10:44pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:21pm<b>Toutejulie</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:59pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:01pm<b>FrostyKittens</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 1:48am<b>colerean</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 6:34pm<b>hawkeyepeirce</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 5:47pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 7:25pm<b>nicky255</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 7:14pm<b>OmgitsJay</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 6:45pm<b>hayfayday</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 1:36pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 1:00pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 8:07pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 11:35am<b>aishaa1</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 4:21am<b>malaz</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:12am<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 9:01am

THE_Black_Jesus's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of THE_Black_Jesus's badges

THE_Black_Jesus's favorite FMLs

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

by JAY22 / 03/26/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

by Kaeyne / 03/24/2009 at 11:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2009 at 6:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

by Screwed / 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

by illequipt / 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

by rexob / 02/04/2009 at 10:51am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.