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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19217) - you deserved it (3194)
On 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm - animals - by ukfan - United States
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18852) - you deserved it (8710)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (6011)
On 12/14/2009 at 1:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend and his friends had a conversation about the power of boobs. He later asked me to make him a sandwich to "prove my love for him." I said "How about I just show you my tits?" Without looking up from the TV, he said, "How about you make me a sandwich?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10229) - you deserved it (19231)
On 12/10/2009 at 11:19pm - love - by Sheik (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20828) - you deserved it (6940)
On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8770) - you deserved it (32726)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (1327)
On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34110) - you deserved it (4372)
On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16542) - you deserved it (5204)
On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6977) - you deserved it (35899)
On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7130) - you deserved it (27124)
On 10/29/2009 at 1:15am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7911) - you deserved it (57434)
On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16512) - you deserved it (1000)
On 10/17/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28809) - you deserved it (5902)
On 09/19/2009 at 10:37am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11043) - you deserved it (32673)
On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)
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