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Yesterday I was laying on te bd nakd waiting for my boyfriend to come ome since we aven't ad sex in almost a mont. Hearing im come in I struck my sexiest pose. He walkd into our room and tossd is backpack at me. Not only did we not ave sex is backpack gave me a black eye. FML
TODAY, I MADE OUT WITH MY FRIEND 4 THE FRST TIME . HE GAVE ME A HICKEY THAT CAN'T BE HIDDEN . I'M THE PRESIDENT OF MY CHURCH YOUTH GROUP AN I HAVE TO HELP GIVE A SEMINAR ON KEEPING YUR BODY LYK A HOLY TEMPLE.. . TOMORROW . FML
Today, I was having sex with my grlfriend. My phone started ringing an it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my grlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, I walked in on parents necking in te living room. I promptly covered eyes and muttered someting about innocence bieng stolen from me. My dad looked up from te couc, and mentioned tat e ad eard innocence bieng stolen by Jake, boyfriend from 2 yeres ago. mega FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on mahhite dress shirt - right by mah left nipple . Absentmindedly, I licked mah finger and tried rubbing the stain out . When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief . FML
Today, I decidd to lay out topless in mah fencd-in backyard !! For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezd and mah creepy, middle-agd neighbor said "bless you" !! From mah bushes !! FML
Today... I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is... until I recieved a text message from my little sister next door reading ( If she is making that much noise... she is probably faking it...Trust me... I know. ) FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hereing them having sex,hich is awkward an disturbing. Later, my dad cummed an asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
2day I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle . After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much 4 me and I couldn't control myself . I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist . FML
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shrt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on yur daughter's face last night." I ran into my grlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, mah fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug an asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away an said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up fir the gyno, but not fir me. FML
Today, I was hooking up with mah grlfriendhen her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minute later both of her parent came in to give us the "talk"hich included the frst time her parent did it. In detail. FML
Taday I went into mah older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when mah boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using mah condoms. And yur boyfriend sounds lyk a girl when he climaxes." FML
Friday 27 March 2015