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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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SwaiN

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SwaiN
  • Town/Country : Mission Viejo, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 July 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1194
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

#333311 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (32512) - you deserved it (50424)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - kids - by superfkd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362980) - you deserved it (401315)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (72183)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, whence he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977 (58)

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (3103)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (24647) - you deserved it (63574)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (44470) - you deserved it (11151)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (21805) - you deserved it (75856)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

#53082 (35)

I agree, your life sucks (7518) - you deserved it (55435)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

#43092 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (9828) - you deserved it (37036)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969 (30)

I agree, your life sucks (31823) - you deserved it (1223)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (20287) - you deserved it (41029)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

#4336 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (6296) - you deserved it (20679)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Huge A Hole - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (13468) - you deserved it (4220)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)