Swagmaster3000

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Swagmaster3000

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 585
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Swagmaster3000 : I really don't know how you found me considering I don't post anything but here I am. If you're up for scintillating conversations about walruses, the ankylosaurus, Pokémon, most pop culture or Doctor Who here I am. If not I probably serve you no purpose I'm really not all that good with social skills I'm sorry. I may or may not be fun to talk to? So you might as well try I suppose. Or not. That's cool too.

Swagmaster3000's page activity

Visits<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 8:25am<b>midwestgirl89</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 10:43pm<b>DementedOtaku</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 3:16pm<b>GooseBrewster</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 4:51pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 2:22pm<b>BiGBoYWaNTsSoDa</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 6:44pm<b>Sydd1799</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 1:20pm<b>WeiXinLun</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 10:35am<b>klc20071989</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 1:51am<b>Ambient25</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 6:51am<b>aishaa1</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 9:13pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 1:27am<b>CaptainFoxbutt</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 11:00pm<b>Mudpuppygirl</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 8:51pm<b>camilacabello</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 2:13pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 12:51am<b>Miss_Attitude96</b> - the 10/28/2013 at 11:28pm<b>pluviophile</b> - the 10/28/2013 at 10:46am

Swagmaster3000's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of Swagmaster3000's badges

Swagmaster3000's favorite FMLs

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

by Awkward / 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

by HaedLei / 11/26/2013 at 7:17am / United States / Intimacy

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

by ellen77 / 09/13/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

by Coolios / 06/24/2013 at 10:16am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

by docwinters / 05/27/2013 at 8:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

by dating walter white's gf apparently / 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

by nottoosmall / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

by vagina dentata for christmas, pls / 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

by ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward / 12/06/2011 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy