SuumahEli

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SuumahEli

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2670
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About SuumahEli : "If I can't be the best, I can certainly be the worst!" -JonTron

SuumahEli's page activity

Visits<b>skychu</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:55am<b>unfuqnreal</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 10:51pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:27am<b>IvyRizzzzoli</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:12pm<b>irisr</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:38am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 2:13pm<b>nospmis517</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:48pm<b>MichelleRuzicka</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 8:38am<b>haylburg</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 10:55pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 7:46am

SuumahEli's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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SuumahEli's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

by Enslaved / 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

by wounded pride, intact cock / 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm / United States / Love

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 4:57am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

by galladore / 12/12/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

by mn167109 / 12/09/2014 at 12:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

by WickedLittleDoll / 12/01/2014 at 11:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

by void bowels() { cry(); } / 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm / United Kingdom (Caerphilly) / Transportation

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

by lexigan4 / 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work