SuumahEli

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SuumahEli

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3463
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About SuumahEli : "If I can't be the best, I can certainly be the worst!" -JonTron

SuumahEli's page activity

Visits<b>skychu</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:55am<b>unfuqnreal</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 10:51pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:27am<b>IvyRizzzzoli</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:12pm<b>irisr</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:38am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 2:13pm<b>nospmis517</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:48pm<b>MichelleRuzicka</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 8:38am<b>haylburg</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 10:55pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 7:46am

SuumahEli's FML badges

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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SuumahEli's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

by seethroughpee / 05/06/2015 at 1:22am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

by van no gough / 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

by Idigrespectfulattire / 03/17/2015 at 8:18pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

by scared / 03/17/2015 at 5:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

by Enslaved / 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

by wounded pride, intact cock / 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm / United States / Love

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 4:57am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

by galladore / 12/12/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

by mn167109 / 12/09/2014 at 12:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous