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SuumahEli

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SuumahEli

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2128
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About SuumahEli : "If I can't be the best, I can certainly be the worst!" -JonTron

SuumahEli's page activity

Visits<b>unfuqnreal</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 10:51pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:27am<b>IvyRizzzzoli</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:12pm<b>irisr</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:38am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 2:13pm<b>nospmis517</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:48pm<b>MichelleRuzicka</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 8:38am<b>haylburg</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 10:55pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 7:46am

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SuumahEli's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29365) - you deserved it (3001)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

#21444515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (8545)

On 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by Marika - United States (California)

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25907) - you deserved it (5402)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27595) - you deserved it (3470)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30576) - you deserved it (3827)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

#21379106
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28961) - you deserved it (3745)

On 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm - misc - by van no gough (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

#21376642
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34541) - you deserved it (4686)

On 03/17/2015 at 8:18pm - misc - by Idigrespectfulattire (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

#21376536
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28950) - you deserved it (4108)

On 03/17/2015 at 5:35pm - health - by scared - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36986) - you deserved it (2390)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30841) - you deserved it (2608)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

#21349737
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36600) - you deserved it (5938)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

#21347486
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29202) - you deserved it (7234)

On 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm - misc - by WalkTheOtherWay - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31061) - you deserved it (6458)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (6410)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)



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