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SuumahEli

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SuumahEli
  • Town/Country : Under Your Bed, United States of America
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 176
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About SuumahEli : "If I can't be the best, I can certainly be the worst!" -JonTron

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SuumahEli's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (4522)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14746) - you deserved it (2915)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18891) - you deserved it (8433)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

#20079245
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16168) - you deserved it (2796)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm - love - by MT (woman) - Finland

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

#20076161
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (1073)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - France

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

#19939596
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31040) - you deserved it (36471)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (3485)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was told I need two root canals. This is because my previous dentist did such a bad job on one of my teeth that the decay went through and transferred to its neighbor. FML

#19622172
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18070) - you deserved it (1701)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:55pm - health - by GrinningCynic - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

#19478782
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4490) - you deserved it (24906)

On 04/16/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by DJ Clitter (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML

#19113107
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (1917)

On 02/19/2012 at 3:55am - health - by preggo - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

#18998575
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17823) - you deserved it (3906)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by oh.geez (woman) - United States

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

#18859925
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12660) - you deserved it (24587)

On 01/20/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by MyHeadHurts (man) - Ireland

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

#18468865
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30121) - you deserved it (2677)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by Vince (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

#17716214
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (3198)

On 09/11/2011 at 12:47am - misc - by AnDroidZ_BabY - United States (Texas)

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

#17528012
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27975) - you deserved it (7593)

On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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