This shit is bananas!
Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was ok until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he proceeded to whip out 5 yoyos and do a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46089) - you totally deserved it (3694)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML
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On 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was at the gynocologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54289) - you totally deserved it (2347)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML
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On 04/20/2009 at 12:51am - love - by mildver (man) - Costa Rica (San Jose)
Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 5:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I proceed to go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around and turns out he was actually a very angry midget. FML
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On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around, and on one turn she started screaming in pain. It turns out I had dislocated both her shoulders. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by grem (woman) - United States
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 4:09pm - kids - by shizzy09 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
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On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML
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On 03/23/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by ButtahSauce (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you totally deserved it (177511)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
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On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, 3 days before my wedding day, I found out that my fiance is sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. I just cancelled a $200,000 wedding. I would go into more detail, but I have to help my family (who flew in from Poland, California, and Massachusetts) book flights back home. FML
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On 02/26/2009 at 7:53pm - love - by mike_d_is_a_loser (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
