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SuddenDeath5's favorite FMLs
by madden2014 / 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
by ElizaZee / 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Work
by anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States / Love
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML
by TaraBURGER / 09/17/2013 at 3:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML
by somethingblue / 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by zachadams / 09/16/2013 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML
by anonymous / 09/16/2013 at 1:35am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML
by chestycough / 09/16/2013 at 12:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by alexbrooke / 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML
by BaMiTsAnYa / 09/15/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy