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SuddenDeath5's favorite FMLs
by DOCMONROE / 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by sothisishowidie / 09/30/2013 at 7:18am / Guam / Miscellaneous
by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML
by ahuman / 09/29/2013 at 1:10am / United States / Kids
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML
by :( / 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 12:25pm / Serbia / Love
by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
by anahira6 / 09/27/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML
by cheese / 09/26/2013 at 5:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by Anonymous / 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML
by horriblefashionsense / 09/26/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by poor teacher / 09/23/2013 at 1:54pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on…