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SuddenDeath5's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/03/2013 at 9:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
by Kyle / 12/03/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML
by aaannnddd there goes my boner / 11/28/2013 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
by fuck me / 11/28/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 4:57pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by awkwardpaul / 11/22/2013 at 5:18am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
by oops999 / 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML
by OwlSaysBlimey / 11/17/2013 at 2:38am / Sweden / Work
Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML
by Remy / 11/16/2013 at 6:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML
by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by ShakenNotStirred / 11/11/2013 at 3:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML
by Go away / 11/10/2013 at 3:03am / United States (Iowa) / Money
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (California) / Health
by MsConfusedd / 10/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did… Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't… Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited,…