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SuddenDeath5's favorite FMLs
by thanks for the $5 gift voucher / 06/13/2015 at 12:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML
by poor baby / 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm / Germany / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/12/2014 at 11:33am / United States / Transportation
Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML
by Fire sucks. / 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Health
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
by innocent / 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Vincent / 01/02/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by Crashed / 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Lonesome / 01/01/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
by thisisavirus.exe / 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML
by bad luck skier / 12/30/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML
by candidcripple / 12/30/2013 at 12:57am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 12/26/2013 at 11:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
- Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed… Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It… Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for…