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Suba's favorite FMLs
Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML
by future missing person maker person thingy / 10/11/2012 at 4:37pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2012 at 9:46am / United States / Money
Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML
by Infiltrator4444 / 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by soso / 05/13/2012 at 5:26pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
by blueglover / 03/27/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML
by jeremiah / 11/06/2011 at 3:21am / Australia / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML
by bullseyed / 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by dominator152 / 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by uhoh901 / 03/25/2010 at 7:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room,… Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel… Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't…
- Today, I finished my final art project for school. Worked on it from 6pm until 2am every night for… Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by… Today, I was craving a bean & cheese burrito. After trying to forget about burritos for half of the…