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Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML
I agree, your life sucks (82285) - you deserved it (6166)
On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (99007) - you deserved it (15606)
On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32980) - you deserved it (114505)
On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Mason_Jayson - United States (Iowa)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (316731) - you deserved it (27878)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
I agree, your life sucks (277828) - you deserved it (21819)
On 03/17/2009 at 9:24pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33535) - you deserved it (146877)
On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14883) - you deserved it (145749)
On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (390042) - you deserved it (29786)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9439) - you deserved it (36987)
On 02/26/2009 at 3:07am - work - by bluecollar (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "...I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10188) - you deserved it (18140)
On 02/01/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by beckbr - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14770) - you deserved it (4476)
On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)
Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24353) - you deserved it (3091)
On 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by john - United States (Kansas)
Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13617) - you deserved it (6067)
On 12/22/2008 at 6:54am - love - by noname - Sent from mobile version
Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21442) - you deserved it (2023)
On 11/20/2008 at 6:10am - love - by Ciabatta - Sent from mobile version
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18232) - you deserved it (11488)
On 11/19/2008 at 6:33am - love - by Mazzam - Sent from mobile version
Friday 24 May 2013
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