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StoicCloud's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML
by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by cahsecuel / 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Ljiljka / 08/01/2014 at 10:37am / Serbia / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML
by Kewl_Kat / 07/24/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Vermont) / Love
Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML
by AylaMarie92 / 07/21/2014 at 5:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love
by weeping_angel_ / 07/12/2014 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by rozsrredd / 07/08/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during… Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera.… Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers…