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Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33300) - you deserved it (3927)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (2206)
On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47880) - you deserved it (4812)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26118) - you deserved it (5412)
On 08/31/2011 at 2:24am - intimacy - by girlsx2mom - United States
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (4078)
On 08/17/2011 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Frank (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34855) - you deserved it (4297)
On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)
Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28245) - you deserved it (8412)
On 08/15/2011 at 12:20pm - love - by Leota (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21591) - you deserved it (4817)
On 08/11/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47773) - you deserved it (4094)
On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21076) - you deserved it (12290)
On 08/08/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by Kathryn - United States (New York)
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (8924)
On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18260) - you deserved it (1512)
On 08/06/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Pinkie (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36144) - you deserved it (1907)
On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18199) - you deserved it (49528)
On 08/02/2011 at 10:17am - health - by chinchilla4404 (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that the guy I've been sending anonymous, dirty emails to knows who I am. My signature, which includes my full name, was automatically added to the end of every email. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7404) - you deserved it (56900)
On 07/22/2011 at 9:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Friday 24 May 2013
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