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StoicCloud's favorite FMLs
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
by ThatNewCarSmell / 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML
by SystemofaBlink41 / 09/29/2014 at 12:31am / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML
by royallymessedup / 09/21/2014 at 11:33am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML
Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 10:39am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 5:36pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Crash / 09/10/2014 at 4:15pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by guiltnazan / 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by UghDude / 09/06/2014 at 9:35am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by candy man / 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by s0728 / 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 12:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…