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StoicCloud's FML badges
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StoicCloud's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
by SugarMyBalls / 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Work
Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 12:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
by drkate25 / 12/18/2012 at 5:02pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
by embarrassed / 10/08/2012 at 5:12am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML
by mark / 12/31/2011 at 12:40pm / United States / Intimacy
by atleese / 12/31/2011 at 10:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by Yo mom / 12/27/2011 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
by Sleep Deprived / 12/25/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by awalc / 12/20/2011 at 12:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous