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Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36213) - you deserved it (1504)
On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30625) - you deserved it (3977)
On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (3951)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18601) - you deserved it (33973)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33113) - you deserved it (2022)
On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7768) - you deserved it (25003)
On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31611) - you deserved it (2060)
On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26005) - you deserved it (3440)
On 01/20/2013 at 8:13am - love - by StillTooYoung (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29407) - you deserved it (2726)
On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47732) - you deserved it (4454)
On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37999) - you deserved it (2046)
On 01/01/2013 at 2:50am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38105) - you deserved it (2966)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:29am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37770) - you deserved it (2105)
On 12/29/2012 at 10:50am - love - by awkward. (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30834) - you deserved it (2878)
On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19599) - you deserved it (32561) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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