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StitchnLilo's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by hotride / 12/15/2010 at 11:34am / Transportation
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Rowden / 04/26/2010 at 5:58am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by YouAREthefather / 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Love
by SickSmick / 02/09/2010 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health
Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML
by Lovenotes / 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML
by dumb / 08/03/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
by KPKallery / 06/05/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids