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About StitchnLilo : Hi
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StitchnLilo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
by Uncircumcised Penis / 07/24/2012 at 5:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by John / 06/30/2012 at 1:08am / United States (New York) / Work
by whoslade / 06/28/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by sickness_sucks / 06/15/2012 at 2:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health
Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML
by Nadaz / 04/05/2012 at 7:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by ChevRooon / 01/26/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 12/15/2011 at 4:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2011 at 12:26am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML
by IPityTheStool / 06/09/2011 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…