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StickyPickles's favorite FMLs
by LittleLou / 10/16/2016 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by shitfaced / 09/18/2015 at 1:30pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML
by StickyPickles / 09/16/2015 at 10:51pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by HttpsHaileyy / 06/15/2015 at 4:02pm / United States / Kids
Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML
by LZapped / 06/08/2015 at 9:35am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML
by not a kiddy fiddler really / 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (California) / Health
by toastynippies / 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
by Vercsi / 02/19/2015 at 10:47am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work
by heymacie / 02/19/2015 at 12:45am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML
by notdaddy / 02/16/2015 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
by gotta_respond / 01/10/2015 at 2:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…