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StephanoTheSloth's favorite FMLs
by Sean / 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 9:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by Bookworm / 06/05/2013 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, after years of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, my carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML
by prdp / 06/05/2013 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
by SHIT-BREATH / 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Animals
Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 06/05/2013 at 11:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Thanks Honey / 06/05/2013 at 11:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
by WOWBear / 06/05/2013 at 5:46am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML
by Justme / 06/05/2013 at 1:02am / United States (California) / Love
by TooSunnyForSkin / 06/05/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Indiana) / Holidays
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
by no booze, no boyfriend / 06/04/2013 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML
by irishbubble / 06/04/2013 at 8:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…