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SteffiTheSmile's favorite FMLs
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML
by wtf / 08/30/2011 at 8:16am / India (Delhi) / Miscellaneous
by Mumbling Mutt101 / 08/15/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays
by redhanded / 05/28/2011 at 5:24am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML
by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML
by Anon / 05/25/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML
by Mandy / 05/20/2011 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Geek
by wtfiswrongwithher / 05/07/2011 at 9:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML
by ouchmytits / 03/28/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML
by jballer / 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…