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SteffiTheSmile's favorite FMLs
by Mumbling Mutt101 / 08/15/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays
by redhanded / 05/28/2011 at 5:24am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML
by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML
by Anon / 05/25/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML
by Mandy / 05/20/2011 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Geek
by wtfiswrongwithher / 05/07/2011 at 9:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML
by ouchmytits / 03/28/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML
by jballer / 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:15pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The…