About Steakss : My name is Stacey. I love FML.
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Steakss's favorite FMLs
by Wow / 04/11/2013 at 8:52am / United States / Love
Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML
by Z'ev / 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Money
Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML
by MilleeMacabre / 04/02/2013 at 2:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 5:22am / United States (New York) / Kids
by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by tkrause / 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML
by CrimsonAmaryllis / 04/01/2013 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation
Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML
by t.hughes / 04/01/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Love
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
by ohgodwhyyoufreaks / 04/01/2013 at 7:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML
by The_Black_Jesus / 03/31/2013 at 9:32am / United States / Kids
Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML
by BornInTheWrongEra / 03/31/2013 at 2:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
by fucked by sex ed / 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the… Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His… Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One…