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Offline (the 10/09/2014 at 12:48am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6537
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About StateFarm98 : It's Jake, From StateFarm...
From Iowa recently moved to Kentucky, plan on moving back to Iowa

StateFarm98's page activity

Visits<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 11:15pm<b>NocturnalA20</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:08pm<b>xRiverSongx</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 3:42pm<b>Wiz_Of_Oz</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 6:16am<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 3:12pm<b>Punisher141</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 1:39pm<b>Ryiah</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 1:04pm<b>Jpav1</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 12:59pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 12:42pm<b>helloimclaudia</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:19am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 8:35am<b>kkkkkkkkkka</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 12:44am<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 7:39pm<b>myinsecurities</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 1:53pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 1:21pm<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 7:51am<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:57am

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StateFarm98's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

by lostintdot / 07/31/2014 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2014 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

by Jeff / 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm / United States / Love

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

by KaiyaOtaku1 / 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2014 at 1:53pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

by thatsnotmyname / 07/02/2014 at 11:12pm / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

by whoops / 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

by Madridsta / 06/28/2014 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy