About Starter : I just realized that my cat owns me... Im on FML whenever he lets me. :D
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Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (2548)
On 12/15/2011 at 10:20am - love - by NinjaWafflesx (woman) - United States
Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21861) - you deserved it (2895)
On 12/14/2011 at 9:46pm - money - by kittyslayer (man) - United States
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16311) - you deserved it (16892)
On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23145) - you deserved it (1733)
On 12/14/2011 at 11:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33808) - you deserved it (2171)
On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)
Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17984) - you deserved it (3256)
On 12/12/2011 at 12:08pm - work - by isuckasawaitress (woman) - Singapore
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40963) - you deserved it (5770)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40963) - you deserved it (5770)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21020) - you deserved it (12055)
On 12/11/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by Embarrassed Swimmer (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his room-mate finding out I'd spent the night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21931) - you deserved it (3541)
On 12/10/2011 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by FML - United States
Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (15548) - you deserved it (1929)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:05am - misc - by it'sabitwindy - United States
Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20467) - you deserved it (1630)
On 12/09/2011 at 12:22am - love - by thatisnotcool45 - Canada
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22536) - you deserved it (5262)
On 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm - health - by skrewedguy (man) - United States
Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18572) - you deserved it (225)
On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28062) - you deserved it (4995)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by Surprisebuttsecks? (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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