About Starter : I just realized that my cat owns me... Im on FML whenever he lets me. :D
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Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34359) - you deserved it (4498)
On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39505) - you deserved it (3788)
On 06/18/2013 at 9:06am - work - by Not a day over 35 (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33748) - you deserved it (4347)
On 06/18/2013 at 2:35am - money - by Broccolliboyy (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40910) - you deserved it (2733)
On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27554) - you deserved it (4185)
On 06/18/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by ProAwkward - United States (Texas)
Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (9012)
On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43921) - you deserved it (2778)
On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom
Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54502) - you deserved it (3482)
On 06/11/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (40574)
On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34893) - you deserved it (6308)
On 06/09/2013 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45518) - you deserved it (3140)
On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States
Today, I began having a seizure during breakfast. My soon to be ex-wife laughed and filmed me with her phone while my stepson called an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55878) - you deserved it (3033)
On 06/08/2013 at 6:10am - misc - by annoymous - United States (California)
Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36936) - you deserved it (2503)
On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40933) - you deserved it (7111)
On 06/06/2013 at 4:49am - misc - by dollabill009 - United States
Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47545) - you deserved it (11618)
On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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