About Stan_Cubed : Thanks for checking my profile. I'm getting through in life just fine, but sometimes I get bored. That's why I'm here I guess. :) Some FMLs make me laugh, some make me sad, some make me mad, and the occasional few make me yawn.
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Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26291) - you deserved it (7443)
On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (11923)
On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (2461)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26650) - you deserved it (7180)
On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25003) - you deserved it (16558)
On 12/14/2012 at 8:45am - intimacy - by ToughTitties (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20680) - you deserved it (3709) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France
Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18861) - you deserved it (3650)
On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25756) - you deserved it (5306)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19182) - you deserved it (4169)
On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14282) - you deserved it (5018)
On 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE (man) - United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7409) - you deserved it (50736)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24524) - you deserved it (2410)
On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)
Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML
I agree, your life sucks (41369) - you deserved it (2675)
On 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by AllegroRubato (man) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)
Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16079) - you deserved it (1240)
On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16228) - you deserved it (2449)
On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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