About Squtchy : Computer + Phone = Life
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Squtchy's favorite FMLs
by murrrrf / 07/21/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML
by ragass_mctree / 09/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by marriedwithfamily / 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker… Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about… Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…